Dirty Chef Page 5

  When dinner service rolled around, I strolled out of my office and into the kitchen. I stood by the pass and gave my regular pep talk about doing our best and then the orders started rolling in. I barely glanced over at her station, knowing as soon as I did, I would be fucking done. Vito would’ve already assigned everyone their dishes for the evening so all I had to do was run the pass. Some shifts I was more hands-on, but tonight, I just couldn’t be anywhere near Riley. Not until I’d spoken to her. Besides, I was still a little pissed she’d run away from me so I really didn’t trust myself not to say something I shouldn’t in front of everyone else.

  As Riley wasn’t on starters, I didn’t actually see her up at the pass until forty minutes into service. She didn’t look up as she placed her plates down and finished dressing them. I couldn’t help staring at her. Her chestnut hair was up in a braided bun and there were dark circles under her eyes like she’d slept badly last night.

  Look at me. Fucking look at me, damn it.

  She pushed the plates forward for my inspection. I didn’t really give a shit about the food right then. All I wanted was to know if she was okay. God, I felt like shit for this whole situation. I glanced down, knowing she was waiting for me to approve the plates.

  “This needs more sauce,” I said gently, pointing at the second plate and remembering I’d told her I wouldn’t be so harsh with her in the kitchen.

  “Yes, Chef.”

  Fuck. Me.

  I coughed slightly, trying to get the image of her impaled on my cock out of my head. Her cheeks went bright red and her eyes flicked up to mine. Oh, she remembered all right. How she’d said it to me whilst I fucked her yesterday morning.

  She quickly looked back down at the plate and sorted it out, wiping down the plate to make sure it was clean.

  “Service,” I called whilst I continued to stare at her.

  Riley was about to turn away but she froze at my next words.

  “Vito, I need you to run the pass for ten minutes and get someone to take over Riley’s station.” I pointed at Riley. “Come with me.”

  Aware that I was walking a dangerous fucking line here, I stalked out of the kitchen after getting an acknowledgement from Vito. He barely even batted an eyelid as he came around to take over. I heard her footsteps behind me in the hallway so I knew she’d not just ignored my request. I opened my office door and gestured at her to walk in. I couldn’t wait any longer. This conversation had to happen right now.

  I shut the door behind us. Riley fidgeted in the middle of the room, but she didn’t look at me. I clenched my fist, resisting the urge to grab her and kiss her senseless so she’d realise I wasn’t fucking about with her.

  “Why did you leave?”

  She opened her mouth and then shut it again before looking up at me. Her hazel eyes were dull and she really didn’t look happy at all.

  “I don’t think it’s appropriate for us to have this conversation when we’re working, Chef.”

  God fucking damn it.

  Hearing her call me chef made my cock stand to attention and that wasn’t a good fucking sign at all. I strode towards her and tucked my fingers under her chin, tilting her face upwards. Her eyes widened and her bottom lip trembled.

  “Do you have any idea how fucking worried I was when you disappeared, Riley? Do you?”

  “I…”

  “Why did you leave?”

  Her closeness affected me. Taunted me. Fuck.

  “I’m sorry, Chef,” she whispered, her voice trembling on the words.

  I didn’t give her a chance to say another word, crushing my mouth to hers and kissing her like I was fucking drowning. She moaned, her hands gripping my chef whites as I continued to devour her whole. I backed her away to my desk, pressing her against it before grinding my cock into her stomach.

  “For fuck’s sake,” I hissed. “You can’t say that to me. You can’t call me Chef.”

  “No, Chef.”

  “Fuck, stop it.”

  “Yes, Chef.”

  I picked her up and put her on my desk. I cupped her face with both hands. Her pupils were dilated and her breathing erratic.

  “You say that again and I’m tearing your clothes off and fucking you on this damn table. I won’t be gentle about it. Do you understand?”

  She nodded as a little pant expelled from her lungs.

  “Tell me why you left.”

  I needed to know. Needed to fucking understand.

  “You’re my boss.”

  “I’m well aware of that fact.”

  She put her hands on mine.

  “I was scared you’d tell me it was just for that night. That we’d have to go back to normal and I can’t do that, Lucien.”

  Her words shot me right in the chest. How could she think I could ever go back after what happened between us?

  I leant closer and rested my forehead against hers.

  “But I can’t do this either. You can’t pull me out of service to talk to me without everyone questioning why. I’ve already had enough trouble trying to prove myself. I can’t take back what happened between us, but you’re my boss and this isn’t right.”

  My heart burnt. What the hell was she saying? She stared up at me with such a heart-breaking expression on her face it almost fucking killed me.

  “It doesn’t matter how much I want you, I can’t do this. You were right. It’s inappropriate and if anyone finds out, they’ll either think I slept with you for perks or you took advantage of me. It doesn’t matter if neither of those things are true. How can I ever earn my place on my own merit if there are rumours of how I got there surrounding me?”

  She might as well have told me she wanted her career more than she wanted me. That was the fucking gist of what she was saying. The very worst part of it all was I understood completely. I knew how it felt to be in her position. Wanting to do well because I was talented. Prove myself as a chef and open my own successful restaurant. This industry was unforgiving for those who weren’t willing to work hard for it.

  So even though it killed me, I dropped my hands from her face and stepped back. My chest ached as it felt like someone had taken a knife to my heart. When the hell had this girl become so important to me?

  “I’m sorry.”

  I shook my head.

  “Don’t apologise for wanting to succeed in your chosen profession, Riley. Never say sorry for going after what you want.”

  She bit her lip and I knew exactly what she wanted to say but couldn’t bring herself to. She wanted me but she was too afraid of the consequences and repercussions. And I wasn’t fucking foolish enough to think there wouldn’t be any. I hated myself for doing this, but I knew it was the right thing. If she wasn’t willing to work this out with me so we could find a solution, then what was the point in trying to convince her otherwise? I literally had no idea how to solve this, anyway.

  “You can go back to work now,” I said, my voice void of all emotion.

  “Lucien…”

  “Go.”

  She slipped off the desk and looked at the floor. Dismissing her like that wasn’t exactly fair, but I couldn’t have her near me any longer. The agonising pain in my chest almost crippled me.

  “I’m sorry.”

  I heard the door open.

  “I would’ve protected you from all of it if you’d given me the chance… ma petite fleur,” I whispered, not knowing if she heard me or not.

  The door shut behind her and I gripped the desk to stop myself sinking to my knees.

  How the fuck would I cope with seeing her every shift and not being able to touch her? How would I be able to hear her laugh and see her smile without it destroying me? How could I do any of this when all I wanted was her?

  Riley Clark would be the fucking end of me.

  And nothing I did would change that devastating fact.

  Chapter Seven

  Riley

  I don’t think misera
ble quite cut it for the way I felt after I walked out of Lucien’s office two weeks ago. My heart died in my chest. The rest of the shift had been absolute torture. Seeing how affected he was by what I’d said made me nauseous. And hearing those words he’d whispered before I walked out of the office? That was the very worst part.

  He’d called me his little flower twice now. I’d looked up the translation when I got home that evening and cried myself to sleep over it. Lucien was such a closed off and intense person, I was pretty sure him calling me by any term of endearment meant a great deal of things. It made the crushing weight of my decision to put my career first worse. Whilst I knew deep down I had no other choice, it didn’t make me any happier about it.

  What a fucked up mess this was. It’d been one night and yet that one night changed everything. Absolutely everything. Having to see him every day since he hadn’t changed the rotas made me die a little more inside. He’d gone back to shouting at me like he always had but there was a certain agony in his eyes when they fell on me which broke me apart piece by piece. I longed to hold him and tell him it would be okay. But I knew it wouldn’t because I’d hurt him. And by hurting him, I’d only hurt myself too.

  I couldn’t do this anymore. Losing myself in my work wasn’t working. Not when he was right there, reminding me of what I couldn’t have.

  What the hell did my career even matter when my heart’s real desire was Lucien?

  Probably why I was standing on the doorstep of my brother’s flat trying to fight back tears. Matt and Liv had moved in with Amelia a week ago and they couldn’t be happier. I was glad he’d finally found someone. He deserved it after being dumped with a baby at sixteen. Matt thought I didn’t know about how shitty Faye had been to him, but there were rumours around school about her behaviour. She’d been a total bitch.

  Matt opened the door, took one look at my face and hustled me in. He wrapped his arms around me and I burst into tears.

  “It’s okay, shh, shh, I’ve got you.”

  “My life is a mess,” I practically wailed into his chest.

  “Is this about Beck?”

  “No. Fuck Beck.”

  He stroked my hair. I’d not told anyone about the situation with Lucien, but if anyone could help me, it was my big brother. Though I very much doubt he’d approve of me sleeping with my boss.

  “Why don’t I make you some tea and you can tell me all about what’s really going on, hmm?”

  “I hate myself.”

  He pulled back and stared down at me with concern written all over his features.

  “Isn’t that a bit dramatic?”

  I nodded, feeling stupid as more tears spilt down my cheeks. I was acting like a hormonal teenager and, quite frankly, deserved to get called out on it.

  He sighed and wrapped an arm around my shoulder, leading me down the hallway into his kitchen. I looked around as I hadn’t actually been to his place before. It was small but had room enough for a little kitchen table. He pressed me down into one of the chairs after taking my coat and flipped the kettle on before he went to hang it up. When he came back, he gave me some kitchen roll to clean my face up with.

  “Sorry, I have no idea where Amelia put the tissues. We’re still getting organised.”

  “It’s okay.”

  He finished up making tea for both of us whilst I dabbed my eyes and cheeks. Matt set the mugs down and took a seat next to me. I’d texted him earlier to check if he was off work today so he’d been expecting me.

  “What’s going on with you, Riles? You’ve been a little distant since you and Beck broke up.”

  I sighed and rubbed my face.

  “And you’ve been busy moving.”

  Though honestly, that wasn’t the reason I hadn’t told him. The whole thing with Lucien was really messed up and I’d been too scared to broach the subject before.

  “I’m here now, aren’t I? Just tell me what’s wrong.”

  I looked away and fiddled with my mug. Where did I even start? Probably best to rip the bandage off so to speak.

  “I slept with my boss,” I mumbled.

  “You did what?”

  I looked up at him.

  “I had sex with my boss.”

  Matt’s ice-blue eyes were wide and annoyingly they reminded me of Lucien’s blue-grey ones. Whilst they weren’t exactly the same shade, they were similar enough to make my heart lurch.

  “Your boss as in the owner of the restaurant you work at? Lucien?”

  “Yes, Lucien. I slept with Lucien and now everything is one big hot mess because I ran away after it happened. Then when I went in the next day, I told him we couldn’t do it again. People will talk and think I’d slept with him to further my career if they find out. But, Matt, I’m miserable. It’s been two weeks and every time I see him, which is every bloody shift, I feel like my heart got ripped out. It’s all my fault and I don’t know what to do any more.”

  I dropped my face into my hands as tears started falling again.

  “I’m so confused. He didn’t even tell me if he wanted more than just, you know, a one night stand with me, but he keeps looking at me like I destroyed him.”

  Matt didn’t say anything so I didn’t know what he thought about my little confession. It’s not like I was exactly proud of my behaviour. Having sex with your boss was never a good idea, but I’d had a huge crush on Lucien for ages. And it wasn’t just a professional crush either. I’d thought about the different ways he’d fuck me. When fantasy clashed with reality, it had been amazing so I couldn’t bring myself to regret a single moment of it.

  I dared look up my brother who was eying me with an unreadable expression.

  “Don’t you have anything to say?”

  He took the time to sip at his tea before levelling his gaze on me again.

  “Honestly? I don’t know what to say. I mean I knew you looked up to him, but this… this I didn’t expect.”

  “He didn’t take advantage of me if that’s what you’re thinking. I wanted it.”

  He shook his head.

  “You say that, Riles, but if you didn’t practically idolise the man, would you really have let this happen?”

  I flinched. I didn’t only like Lucien because of his skill in the kitchen or for his looks. I just plain liked him even though I didn’t know him that well. I wanted to know him though, desperately. Instead of being brave, I’d thrown my chance away. He’d told me he’d have protected me from the repercussions and I believed him.

  “Yes, I like him and not because he’s talented or any of those other things. He might shout at me in the kitchen, but outside of it, he’s actually really sweet and kind. He wanted to help me improve my skills and be a better chef. I feel like I threw all of it back in his face like it meant nothing, but it meant everything. No wonder he hates me now.”

  “Hey, hey.” He put a hand on my arm. “I’m sure he doesn’t hate you.”

  I shook my head. How could Lucien not hate me? Even if he’d told me not to apologise for wanting to succeed.

  “What do I do, Matt? I can’t deal with seeing him all the time and wanting everything to be different. Wishing I could take back what I said because I don’t even know if I meant it any longer. I already ruined everything with Beck even though we should’ve broken up a long time ago, but he’s not Lucien. He’s not the person who makes me feel like I’m alive.”

  “You’re really serious about him.”

  I nodded and he squeezed my arm.

  “There are hundreds of restaurants you can work in to further your career. If you really want to be with him, then maybe you should consider that.”

  I looked down at my hands. For over a year, all I’d dreamed about is working under Lucien and learning from him. Now, things were so different. I knew what it felt like to be close to him. Have his hands on my skin. And I really did want to be with him.

  “What if he doesn’t want me?”

  “Then
you’ll just have to live with that, Riley. You can’t control what other people do.”

  I sighed. Matt was right. I guess I had a decision to make.

  Did I risk everything for Lucien?

  Or did I take the cowards way out again?

  ~~~

  When I left Matt’s after I’d stayed for dinner and spent time with Liv and Amelia, I’d thought long and hard about what he said and I could only come to one conclusion. So before I could chicken out and second guess my decision, I’d jumped on the tube and made my way over to Haze after stopping off at home briefly. The restaurant was closed, but I’d gone around the back where I knew Lucien’s actual front door was.

  What the hell am I even doing?

  I stared at the buzzer, willing myself to press down on it.

  Stop being a coward. Go after what you want. You know it’s the right thing to do so do it.

  I reached up and pressed down on it. Dropping my hand, I bounced on the balls of my feet, finding it impossible to stay still with nerves coiling in my stomach. I could see the lights on through the upstairs windows so I knew he was home. Lucien probably didn’t get people ringing his doorbell at eleven at night very often so I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t answer.

  “Yes?” he barked down the intercom.

  I trembled at the sound of his voice. I needed to get a hold of myself.

  “Uh… Hi, um, it’s Riley.”

  There was silence so I decided to press ahead.

  “Look, I’m really sorry to just turn up like this, but I need to talk to you.”

  I hoped he wouldn’t make this difficult, but who knew after I’d so thoroughly rejected him before. I mean shit, I didn’t even let him talk. Still, I wasn’t about to back down or walk away even if it meant staying outside here half the night until he agreed to talk.

  It took a few minutes before the door was pulled open and there he stood with a furrow in his brow. Shit, he didn’t exactly look happy to see me, but I could hardly blame him. My heart pounded in my ears at his nearness. And when he didn’t say anything, I swallowed hard, trying to unscramble my thoughts.